I know I have anger management issues, so I signed myself up for therapy. I've had one session so far, but I have my doubts on its effectiveness. It's not like teaching mindfulness. My psychologist just asks questions. The whole healing process, according to her, is just getting it all out there, but I have a problem with that. I have told my friends, her, and you (if you continue to read about it) about my gripe with this fucking old bastard (neighbor kinda), but rather than eradicate his existence from my mind, expressing my thoughts put him at the top of my consciousness priority list. Also, this psychologist's suggestion of a solution was to simply try avoid the annoyance. There was no attempt at either seeing this as a problem with myself and there was no stress reducing solution. Lastly, if the old man left, and another annoyance came in, given her suggestions, I should leave the building. Basically I am taught avoidance tactics in therapy.
Arguments, from what I've read, spring as fearful reactions to perceived threats and from the arguer's sense of arrogance. Funny.. fear and arrogance. I know for a fact that he fears me, but I am irritated by the fact that he still maintains his arrogance. I know I am right, but does that make me arrogant? But I also know I am wrong about a few things. I quickly admitted that I misused something, and that I will take care of it right away. He should've left then with "problem solved" in his mind, but he didn't because he hates me. If there is no reason to be near your annoyance, then there is only feeling. I know for a fact that what he says is factually wrong. Some of this factually wrong information comes from persisting with two opposing pieces of information during the two times I have confronted him throughout the entire confrontation. First, he blows up a situation with all the little details he criticizes me for. Then, when I address all the little details he talked about, he says "all I wanted was..." To add to my irritation, the first day he said he pays me and mentioned sanitary issues which were in a contract he signed. I signed no contract and I am not his leaser and at the the time, I had no idea why he was mentioning something to me. Something I could not respond to, because I simply didn't know about it. When I addressed the contract (on the second day/confrontation) and legal issues after reading about it, he says that he was only asking me out of "common courtesy" and that he didn't mention the law at any time . I said "you mentioned money and contract. This = law/agreement." He said "I know the law, and I was asking you out of decency." However, if this old man really knew the law, then how can he simply change what he said on the second day I confronted him ? How can you keep this arrogant douchebag (redundant I know) to his word?
My feeling is like the frustration Einstein might feel while arguing with the average male. A man is stereotypically more logical than a female. He would say all his facts in front of Einstein (without knowing who he is), and Einstein would reply logically. Einstein's opposing statements would directly relate to the issues presented by that average man. The man would reply as logically as he can back. For whatever the man does not understand (of what Einstein said), the man would reply with whatever ridiculous "fact" that he can come up with (if he be douchebaggy) without checking the validity of what he said. In order to "win" (seem more valid), the man would raise his voice when replying to Einstein.
I know I can't do anything for revenge no matter how sweet it would feel. I suppose I can find a way to publically shame him, but doing so will probably just give him more publicity (like it did Fox) especially when he fronts an ironic organization supporting a culture that has no listed or easily perceived correspondent or leadership of that culture (like an all white board supporting Nigerian dance) . Also, publically shaming has the possibility of looking like defamation to the law when I am really just exercising free speech. Revenge can also look bad on me, and as consequence I might lose the respect of my friends and the people I work with. But I can't live without any sort of release. I need to find a way just as many recent jailed gunman need a way to completely forget about their annoyance while they are being annoyed and throughout life (to prevent stress buildup) that is neither bottling up anger nor having miniature explosions every time I am mad. I realize when a person is mad it has to show. Otherwise it's as though "mad" was never programmed into him. Whatever has made him "mad" has to be made better. I was searching for "kindness begets kindness" and channeling negative energy into creativity, but after trying to be kind to my neighbor, he goes ahead and complains to his leaser on a list of things that he's been keeping tabs on for a long while.
I honestly can say, I am not hoping for the best for him. I am hoping his organization dies. His organization was never beneficial to society in the first place. I know he didn't do anything heinous, but I am so irritated by the way he thinks. He is the epitome of "first world problems" which he complains about with his sense of entitlement. The only thing I see him contribute to this world is a sense of arrogance. I think he is a waste of space, and I say this because he is so easily replaceable.
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