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Showing posts with label unimportant diary. Show all posts
Showing posts with label unimportant diary. Show all posts

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Warning: Personal rant: fucking mom

I can't put this on Facebook, so I'll just say it here.
Oh my fucking mom.  
Today you have come to meet me 2 hours late.  
Then when I ask you to make a reservation at a very popular place you don't listen to me saying instead that by the time we get there, we won't have to wait.  
Then the people tell us to wait and I say I don't want to talk to you and you explode.
Like you exploded many times before.  

In fact my whole unhappy childhood was all because of you.  
those hours and hours wasted at a many different learning center.  
My shyness, my explosive anger, my irrationality at times were all because of your 
explosive anger.  Oh how I hated you.  and I still hate you.  
Sometimes I am good with you. 
But most times I legit-ly forget about you.  
How you tried to pick my major for me.  
And told me I couldn't make it into the college I am in now.
How you told me I should drop out of the honors program
while making me take after school classes.

Being rich is great.  Just great.  
I learned no value of money.   
 As long as I appear obedient.  
like you made your husband your lap dog.

And recently you blamed your sister's death
on herself and not her cancer.
You didn't go to her funeral because 
you called her foolish.  
what a kind, loving, caring mother till the end.  

We applaud you.  
As a final work I have to say:
fuck you.   




Saturday, February 25, 2012

the sound of crying

In a way your dreams reflect your current state of mind.  Recently, I realized summer is going to happen, and that there is a good possibility that I am going to lose everyone I know (esp since I am friends with individuals not groups.)  In my dreams, people fell away in silence to the end of the world.  I woke up before everyone disappeared around me, so in the last moments before my dream ended, I panicked before the remaining familiar faces that bore a defeated expression.  It's disheartening.

We'll be on different floors, we won't have similar floormates, we won't have an in-between to talk about, we won't take the same classes.  Starting next year, I feel the connection I have with anyone now will fade away.  It has happened to me before with commuters.  The frailty of friendship.  I love them briefly and intensely then. though "we" fell away in silence so quickly afterwards.  

  


Saturday, January 14, 2012

A lot can happen in 1 week.

  • my friend can become noticeably depressed.
  • my uncle's funeral can happen this week.
  • I can go night hiking around the city.  
  • I can find out my friend likes to put on makeup because it makes him look pretty.
  • I can find out how much tougher that cookie has gotten in Japanese.
  • I can meet an old commuter friend from a previous class who can tell me that she'll lose me as a friend one day.  
  • I can sign up for 2 intramural sports not realizing the commitments.
  • I can apply for a work study job.  
  • I can find myself struggling with Calculus 2.
  • I can find myself smiling amongst a colorful crowd.  
    • An illusion? Maybe.